It’s a silly prayer to some, but it’s a desperate plea from me for Divine Intervention.

I was raised to enjoy dessert after every meal. No big deal -- until I hit my thirties and started gaining weight. I never had a weight problem until then, but I ignored it, and the weight continued to pile on. Brick by brick. Layer by layer. Until one day I looked down, and my ankles were the size of a baby elephant’s indicating to me I had more than a weight problem. The weight was affecting my blood pressure and blood sugar. Time to get things under control.

I went to a weight loss doctor who prescribed an appetite suppressant. By taking the drug, making healthier food choices and counting calories, I lost 35 pounds. Hallelujah! I got this thing under control and conquered. Bring on the crème brulee. Let’s celebrate!

In less than two years, I gained back those 35 pounds. Stupid, stupid me. Lazy, lazy me. If I lost it once, I could do it again. I made a half attempt. Not surprisingly, it didn’t work. I made lame excuses for not making wise food choices. The truth is:  I like feeding my desires. Always have. And I’m not just talking food here. Remember, I’m the girl who hates the “D” word (discipline).  But a girl can only run so long, and I hate running/jogging especially with this extra 50 pounds I’m carrying.

Three months ago I came across a book in my weight doctor’s office entitled The Beck Diet Solution Book which uses cognitive therapy to help with weight loss and maintenance. Eureka! That’s what I felt was missing for me. I knew it was more of a discipline and mental issue rather than an overeating problem. I finally started reading the book a few weeks ago (yes, I’m also working on procrastination issues), and it was exactly what I needed.

At the end of 2012, a friend said she was starting a Facebook group to help with weight loss and would be using the Made to Crave Devotional by Lisa TerKeurst. I immediately checked out the devotional and bought it and the book and started reading.  OMG. It dovetailed nicely with the Beck book, but it added the missing, main ingredient:  the Holy Spirit. DUH. I’m a preacher’s kid. Been in church all of my life (except for those 10 or so years when I wasn’t, but that’s another story). When I pray for others I say “God, you care about every detail of our lives. It doesn’t matter how big or little” yet I hadn’t included Him in my previous weight loss attempts. This time I am. And my constant prayer (plea) for the past week has been:  “Reprogram my taste buds. NOW.” “PLEASE! HELP! I really want a dessert.”  Forget beautiful, flowing prayers. I’m desperate.

My doctor says I’m like an addict. If I give in and have a dessert, I’ll be right back where I was. Me? A junkie? I’m not sticking a needle in my arm or making deals in alleys. No, but desserts have the same effect on me. One taste, and I’m off on a cupcake eating frenzy and not looking back.

Just like someone who needs to get off alcohol or drugs, I need a support group and a Higher Power to help me get through this until it becomes normal and natural to me. I want transformation overnight. I know it won’t happen that way for me. I know I have some lessons to learn. I will have to tear out old bricks (faulty thinking) and lay down a new foundation. I will need to rid myself of the layers of excuses and rationalizations. It won’t be easy, but it’s time.

I’m tired of living like I am. I want my joy back. I’m tired of living a defeated life. I was made for more. I was made to be victorious. I don’t have to give in to that cupcake or mini bundt cake or black and white cookie. In my weakness, HE is strong.

I can’t do this on my own. I’ve proven that. This time I have a doctor (no meds), a Facebook accountability team and the Holy Spirit. It will take a village to get me through this. I’ve never liked being vulnerable or asking for help, but I have to do something different to get where I want to be.

Lord, help me.

And please reprogram my taste buds sooner rather than later. There’s a black and white cookie calling my name.